Communication is of vital importance and is closely linked to the success of our species, although much of the problems in social life are due to inadequate communication.
Assertive communication allows our relationship with others to be satisfactory. Although much has been said about it, we will try a broad and deep approach.
We must understand that language is only an instrument and that words have the meaning that we give them, although its phonetics inclines us to link words to related realities (for example, phonetically the word rock is compatible with the hardness of the object and the word mom definitely reflects cuteness). When I communicate with you, something arises in my mind and I will use the common codes or keys between us to convey my message to you. In one part of my brain the idea arises (Wernicke’s area), in another the words that I will use are coordinated (Broca’s area) and in the motor center of the brain the movement of my organs of phonation will be coordinated (tongue, larynx, lips, etc.). Although it is what we were traditionally taught, today we know that speaking is more complex and involves more areas of the brain, including the limbic system (our emotions). Our thinking and language feed back simultaneously and some authors have argued that we do not speak because we think, but that we think because we speak. Simplifying, it should be remembered that we talk to ourselves and it is part of our way of thinking.
Sometimes you make a special effort to express yourself taking into account the effect you want to produce on the other, sometimes you care little and you are only interested in venting. Other times the best communication is to keep quiet. A silence backed by a look could say more than any speech.
Your communication has the power to improve your environment or to harm it. But it could be driven only by inappropriate emotions and not your reason. Let’s illustrate that idea.
In a family, the father unknowingly expresses something that bothers the mother and the son worries. The irate mother verbally attacks her husband, he does not understand her attack, but annoyed by her expressions of anger he also gets angry and the only thing the mother has achieved is a confrontation. If instead she expresses: what you have said hurts me deeply, I suppose you did not realize it, but at the moment I feel very bad. Possibly the surprised parent will try to repair the damage they inadvertently did (if not, what needs to be evaluated is not their words but the relationship). Instead of a disturbing confrontation of overflowing emotions, the child receives a lesson in assertive communication, which could make him more resilient and with better future human relationships.
But often we feel hurt and we attack, which can generate a vicious cycle of confrontations. Attacking is similar to the tantrum we had when we were little. Unfortunately, maturity is not abundant and adults tend to have a strong tendency to throw tantrums. Emotional maturity can allow reason to filter our emotions so that what we express is what we really need to express and not an outburst without control that will accomplish nothing. Unburden yourself? Perhaps momentarily, but you generate negative waves that, due to a boomerang effect, will bring you situations that will affect you the same or worse than before. You cannot spend the day throwing fire at others without burning yourself.
For the development of our conscience it is essential to communicate, if we were mute, we would learn to sign and read, because otherwise we could not evolve. In the film Castaway (2000) starring brilliantly by Tom Hanks, we see a sole survivor of a shipwreck on a desert island who manages to stay alive for several years and in that time he talks to a soccer ball as if it were a friend, in this way you try to resist the urge to talk to someone. In truth, the first effect our words have is on ourselves.
Do not criticize, praise. Don’t curse, bless. Sometimes whoever attacks you what he wants to tell you and cannot, is that he needs your affection. When your child is wrong, insulting him in anger teaches him little, waiting to calm down and speaking wisely will make him a better adult.
Each person has a superior mental area or superconsciousness, try to focus on it when you have to say something important to him, he may not understand you at the moment, but then he will. In addition to your words, your eyes speak and their message, others register it even in an unconscious way.
We transmit our thoughts on a certain frequency and on that same frequency we receive our information. Your words build your circumstances. When you have someone in front of you, try to focus on the positive that you see and talk about the negative only when it is really necessary. Your communication can attract you a pleasant or regrettable existence and what comes out of your mouth can do you more harm than what enters through it (Matthew 15:11)