Repairing childhood wounds is not an easy or linear path. However, by developing more confidence and reassessing isolation, significant progress can be made in this healing process.
Overcoming the wounds of abandonment is like embarking on a journey of self-discovery. There is no magic formula, but the possibility of healing is real. It’s a process that involves acknowledging your feelings, challenging limiting beliefs, and breaking dysfunctional patterns.
During this reading, we’ll explore the origins of this emotional experience, identify signs to look for, and offer psychological recommendations to prevent it from wreaking havoc on an adult’s life.
¿What is the wound of abandonment?
This is one of the childhood traumas studied by Lisa Bordeau; It manifests itself as scars arising from one or more intense or traumatic childhood experiences. These are situations that, due to their heavy load, we could not adequately prepare for.
Although they originate in childhood, they are with us beyond that. Having a painful emotional experience can be likened to an injury to the soul. It is a deep emotional scar that lingers over time and influences the decisions we make in adulthood, often with negative consequences for us.
In the case of abandonment harm, when a child feels that he or she has been left alone or neglected, whether on a physical or emotional level. It is important to note that it may relate to actual and objective abandonment or may be the product of subjective interpretation.
Signs of Abandonment in Childhood
Although each person with childhood emotional neglect is unique, it is common for them to share patterns of response to this experience that carry over into adulthood. They are individuals who usually show signs like the following:
They develop bonds of emotional dependence.
They seek excessive external approval.
They experience self-esteem and confidence issues.
They feel profound helplessness and inadequacy.
They tend to abandon personal projects prematurely.
They show mistrust and difficulty opening up emotionally to others.
They sabotage their relationships, ending them for no apparent reason, fearing the pain of abandonment.
They exhibit self-destructive tendencies, dismissing their own opportunities for success or happiness.
They are overly accommodating of others and have a hard time setting boundaries even at the expense of their own well-being.
The Consequences of Emotional Abandonment: The Mask of Dependence
According to a work published in Revista de Psicología, if a person experiences this emotional wound, their feelings change as a result and it is likely that they will grow up thinking that they are not good enough or worthy of love. This leads to feelings of sensitivity and developing tendencies like abandonment anxiety.
Following Bourdieu’s ideas, people create a “mask” in response to each emotional wound, with the intention of protecting themselves when that wound resurfaces in the present. However, that protection tends to be an illusion.
Emotional dependence is the mask of those who carry the scars of abandonment. Because their greatest fear is loneliness, they desperately cling to others to avoid the pain of abandonment. However, despite their efforts, they never feel that they receive enough love or attention, which fosters an insatiable emotional need and increases dependency.
¿How to heal the wounds of abandonment?
Coping with the aftermath of a breakup isn’t easy, but it’s not impossible either. At the outset, it is important to understand that this does not mean erasing your past, but preventing it from affecting you. It is important that you give yourself permission to feel without judging or blaming yourself. The rule here is to be your own ally, not your worst critic.
Of course: you need to accurately see the fears lurking in the shadows and challenge the beliefs that might be holding you back. Let’s look at some psychological strategies that can help you in the process.
1. Be aware and accept the wound
The path to healing begins with awareness. Acknowledging a wound as part of your story can be challenging and painful. However, it is also a necessary step to recovery.
It’s not about defining yourself by it or believing it will determine your future, rather, it means that by taking charge, you have the power to influence how it affects your life and how to improve it. Act in a way.
2. Build confidence
Developing and increasing self-confidence is the key to coping with the effects of abandonment wounds. When you realize that your worth does not depend on what others think of you, but on your own vision, everything changes.
In this sense, working on identifying your personal strengths and achievements will help you build a strong foundation for your self-esteem, thus reducing the vulnerability to fear of emotional abandonment.
3. Cultivate independence
Being independent doesn’t mean cutting yourself off from people or having to manage alone all the time. It means, rather, being able to make decisions without relying entirely on others. The key is to find a balance between being self-reliant and knowing how to ask for help when you need it.
4. Lose the fear of saying “no”.
How often do you ignore your own needs so as not to make others uncomfortable? How often do you ignore your own desires by putting the desires of others first?
A strategy you should consider to improve emotional withdrawal is to start setting boundaries in your relationship. By clearly communicating what you want and need, you take important steps toward creating more equitable and satisfying relationships.
5. Assess isolation
Learning to enjoy moments alone can change the perception of loneliness, turning it into an enriching experience or, at least, not seeming as catastrophic.
While you can enjoy your own company, you don’t need to cling to people or situations to avoid feeling lonely. It is not necessary to isolate yourself from the world. Reevaluating loneliness involves ceasing to see it as a terrifying monster.
The value of therapy for the healing process
It is undeniable that psychotherapy plays a very important role in healing emotional wounds. There are several clinical approaches that are valuable in these circumstances, such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), and EMDR therapy, which are recognized for their effectiveness in treating trauma.
Regardless of the type of approach, a competent and trained psychologist can provide a safe space to explore how the trauma of abandonment affects you and specific tools to deal with the challenges associated with it.
You don’t have to walk this path alone. If you feel it necessary, seek the help of a therapist and take the opportunity to openly express your feelings, fears and thoughts.
The mind is wonderful
