What is a “simp”? Slang that teenagers use to insult younger children

(CNN) — Shannon was used to her socially awkward son being bullied by other kids at the private school he attended.

But when she picked him up at school and he told her they were calling him “Simp”, Shannon, who uses only her first name to protect her son’s identity, didn’t know what to think.

“He says this to me while I’m driving and trying to make sense of it,” he said. “I’ve never heard the word.”

“He told me, ‘It basically means I’m nice to girls because I like them,'” Shannon said. “I thought, wait, they’re making fun of my son for being nice to girls?”

His son told him that a girl had recently put him in the “friend zone” and made it clear that she was not interested in dating him. They remained friends.

“As a parent, you do all these things to raise your child well, to be good to everyone, especially kids who don’t have a lot of friends,” Shannon said. “And you never think that by making your kid nice you can make him a target for bullies.”

What is a “simp”?

Many parents may not be familiar with the term “simp,” but chances are your tween or teen has used or at least heard of the term.

Hashtags for the word “simp” are on the rise on TikTok. Instagram has over 600,000 posts with the #simp hashtag, and there are Facebook groups dedicated to simps and simping. (It can also be a verb).

Depending on who you talk to, there is some debate about the use of the term and how much (if any) it has evolved over time. While the origin of the word “simp” is related to the word “simpleton”, which means stupid in Spanish, its current use is associated with American West Coast rappers such as Too Short, who used it in the mid-1990s. In a way that suggests the opposite of “pimp” in his song “Pimpology”.

In 1992, Boyz II Men released a song called “Simpin’ Ain’t Easy”, which offered a different spelling of the word and evoked a frustrated longing.

According to Urban Dictionary, the main definition of “simp” is “someone who does a lot for someone they like.” Other definitions from the crowdsourced online dictionary include “a man who is very desperate for women, especially if he is a bad guy, or has expressed disinterest in her, yet remains obsessed.”

“‘Simp’ is slang for a person (usually a man) who is desperate for the attention and affection of another person (usually a woman),” said Connor Howlett, a digital strategist in New York City in 2021. , in an email to CNN.

“Think of puppy-eye energy, but manifested in a human, romantic way,” Howlett said. “It is used in an abusive manner. Although it’s generally fun, there are definitely undertones of toxic masculinity, as it relates to showing too much emotion.”

Karen McClung first encountered the term in group chats she closely monitors with her daughter and son.

“I saw the word and looked it up quickly,” McClung said. “I asked my kids what they thought that meant and my son said, ‘Basically, if you had $1,000 and you could do anything with it, you’d use it to get a girl’s attention; then everyone would make fun of you. “

“I blocked the conversation,” he said.

McClung said his son was not called a “simp” in the chat, but said he was “curious to see how it affects my son because he’s such a gentleman by nature.”

A definition that is evolving

A term that emerged from Generation Z’s use of social media, such as “simp”, is believed to have been confused and continues to evolve.

Laura Capinas, a clinical social worker in Sonoma County, California, said the use of “simp” can have different meanings depending on the age group.

“Depending on whether an elementary school student or a high school student uses it, it can be different,” he said, and it’s not just kids who talk about “simps” and “simping.”

“High school girls sometimes say this word to their friends at school,” Capinas said. “Some of the kids I’ve talked to have told me it’s not a derogatory term. It’s like making fun of someone, like ‘You’ve left us to hang out with your friends, you’re picking on us.’

“If it is said by someone who is used to being bullied, it will be received as a bullying comment,” he said.

She hasn’t heard kids or parents worry too much about the term in her practice, but Capinas often hears kids use it to describe their day or their peer groups.

Myra Fortson said she has talked to her daughter about the term and believes that words often “spread faster than they mean.”

“Even children will take over their language, refusing to return to its original meaning,” said the mother of three. “They’ll say things like, ‘Maybe that’s where it comes from, but it doesn’t mean that anymore.’ And they continue to use whatever word they want.”

Tactics to reduce tense “symp-tuation”.

One way to think of a “simp” is “someone ahead of their time,” said Sean Davis, a marriage and family therapist in California.

“Although it hurts in the moment, usually, a kid called a ‘simp’ can wear it like a badge of honor,” Davis said.

“Boys are being raised today in the midst of the biggest redefinition of male gender roles in recent history,” Davis said. “Should I be kind and sensitive or aloof while trying to win a partner over?”

As with all bullying, teens and preteens should first tell their parents or a trusted adult who can intervene on their behalf, she said. “Otherwise, just accepting it and refusing to feel shame can help.”

It’s important for parents to remember that there have always been slang words for kids and parents alike to use, Capinas said, and the goal is to “make sure they’re received and used playfully.”

“I think we’re always looking for our kids not to get hurt,” he said. “We don’t like slang that has the potential to have negative connotations.”

One trick he teaches children in his therapy sessions, he said, is “a tool for humor.”

“It’s comic relief. “You practice not putting the other person down, but you put the situation down,” he said.

If someone criticizes me for always “making a fool of myself with girls,” Capinas said, “you can turn it around and say, ‘It’s hard to be the only nice soldier,’ who wants to join me?”

“You can twist it and make it a comedy,” he said.

Davis demonstrated a similar approach.

“Keeping your head up and saying ‘it’s true’ to the bully while walking away can help, because bullies usually give up if they can’t bring the other person down,” she said. “And you can tell yourself that intimidation is just the price a revolutionary has to pay for standing up for what’s right.”

Shannon said her son’s therapist recommended similar tactics, but the boy said it came with a full response after just three hours.

“It’s been really heartbreaking, especially because I know a lot of these kids who are bullied by him. He’s been at the school since second grade,” Shannon said. “If their mothers knew, they’d be terrified. But my son doesn’t want me to tell him because things will get worse.