Marimar Perez, Gynecologist: “There are aspects that I thought about discussing with my psychologist that menopause has resolved for me” | Wellness | S fashion

An undeniable benefit of social networks is that they have become a showcase for health professionals to educate and raise awareness with their messages while making empathy a weapon (almost) as powerful as medicine. Thanks to the digital universe, we have met doctors who, with their teaching activity Online Thanks to a profile full of advice and explanations, information and proximity go hand in hand to make medicine a little closer to everyone. Distinguished Marimar Perez, Gynecologist and Obstetrician, is a great example of this trend of 3.0 female doctors. To the accumulated baggage and wisdom of 24 years of business and the trust, naturalness and humane treatment that he imparts to his patients, we must add his closeness, sense of humor and of course, his immense empathy. The founder of WoMer, a comprehensive health center based in Barcelona, ​​born out of a sorority, is a well-known celebrity about menopause, a process she herself has been going through for two years.

An expert at communicating through her Instagram profile how to experience menopause to the fullest, when a media outlet asks her to talk about her symptoms, she flatly refuses. “Let’s change the subject: I don’t want to talk about hot flashes or things that can be read elsewhere… too many negative messages! And euthanasia, when?” he asks us with his characteristic humor. We spoke to her about giving menopause that twist, getting to know her happier side and trying to erase the stigma of a woman who is not only a mother, but also claims that work is what makes her happiest. On these topics, and on its specific Roland Garros, by the way… but let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Let’s start the match.

You talk openly about your menopause on social media. Why does this topic embarrass so many women?

I don’t know what is wrong with us. People are surprised that I’m not ashamed to say I’m menopausal, because they think men won’t find me attractive. “Doctor, think carefully: men don’t see you the same way,” they tell me with all their love, and they believe that menopause makes us transparent. Many women write to me that they are ashamed to say this, and the important thing is to talk about it openly so that the whole male sector understands us. The problem is that since the topic is never properly put on the table, nor are certain symptoms described that our couples are supposed to understand, it seems that menopause does not suit them. However, menopause isn’t just a concern for women: it’s everyone’s problem. Along with fear and shame we have to add the kind of social conviction that “we’ll get through this.” This is not how it works: we don’t have to suffer, endure, or limit ourselves to loving. It seems that this suffering was a part of women: we are constantly Joan of Arc, and obviously, we must remain so in whatever phases we pass through.

Have you noticed that women’s attitudes have changed during their first gynecological visit?

Teenage girls are much smarter than us. I have been in this business for 24 years, and I see that now they have a very clear eco-consciousness and talk openly about contraception, STDs… It strikes me that with maturity we have not forgotten the shame. Now, younger women approach sex in ways that will make you fall off your chair. They have deromanticized it, they have relationships for fun and they have things clear. The word shame does not exist for them.

From what you say, as the years go by, don’t we leave fear and shame behind?

I find it embarrassing in grown women. It’s not unusual for me to have people ask me how they will explain to their husbands that menopause makes them feel uncomfortable having sex. In fact, it’s like telling your husband that you take insulin because you have diabetes. It’s a physiological process: As you have less estrogen, vaginal dryness will be greater. If we explain the physiological process well, men have to understand it. It is important that the male sector understands that living without estrogen is bad business. We are going to live a third of our lives without the main hormone that intervenes in all our life processes, so this may not be a topic that confuses us. Women have to talk about menopause all the time and they have to give us a medal of honor, because for not being something easy, we carry it with great pride.

What are the positive aspects of menopause?

I’ve been in menopause for two years and I’m not in the worst phase of my life by any means. As if that wasn’t enough, there are things I have benefited from on a mental level. Being more mature and more androgenic has given me a mindset where I can easily set limits. I am a Cough (lazy person, in Catalan); Everything affected me, and now… a lot less. There are aspects that I thought about discussing with my psychologist that menopause has resolved for me. Things start to matter a lot less to you. The best thing is that you don’t have to do mental exercises to think like this and face things with the attitude: you just are. mood.

Are sexual problems that accompany menopause usually addressed?

I think the problem with sexuality is easy to understand: Estrogen increases sexual desire, so being low means you won’t be able to pursue your partner. All you have to do is have a nurturing conversation, one on one, and explain to your partner that he doesn’t need to be overwhelmed, but because of this the beginning of the relationship is complicated for you now. If you use the testosterone example, it’s more obvious: if they have less testosterone, they have a harder time getting an erection, right? That is why the couple has to work on it and find places of intimacy. It should be clear to the other person that there is absolutely no attraction anymore. You’re not going to stop having orgasms, but you still have to take extra care of the basics. I think we have to start being more permissive with ourselves. We have to understand ourselves and take advantage of the good that menopause can bring. When you realize what is happening to you and you talk about it with your friends without hesitation, you will see that we are all the same. I sometimes hear that “they are going to give me an Oscar for best actress, because if you see how I get when he finds me and how I show him that I am very excited.. “. I have 12 or 14 Oscar winners every year in my practice.

In Anglo-Saxon countries, hormone replacement treatment is the order of the day… why is it still a sensitive topic here?

What are the problems with taking hormones? Ignorance breeds fear. If you tell a man who has no erection that his problem will be solved if he takes a pill, he will not ask you about any side effects. He will ask you how many pills to take each day. On the other hand, administering low-dose hormone replacement therapy to a woman causes me sweat and tears. If it were a man, the consultation would last five minutes. We have a very ingrained culture in which we think, “I’m not that bad.” The problem is that it is not about not being bad, but about “being too good”.

What happens to the aesthetic yoke after a certain age?

We may no longer be at an age where we want men walking into bars when we enter. If we take the focus off the physical and focus on all the things we are good at, like work, we will take advantage of all the positive aspects of aging. Men have done it well: A man with a punch and a bald head might show up, but if he’s got his shirt rolled up, his glasses and a good watch, we think he’s pretty obvious. On the other hand, we believe we don’t even have half of Lorza. By the way: he doesn’t even see the Lorza he’s supposed to be. We punish ourselves daily. Doesn’t he have a stomach? Can’t you see that his erection is different? We have a problem with ourselves

Are gynecologists more empathetic than gynecologists, or should there be no distinction?

Profession has been feminized. I have a gynecologist, but with menopause I think I will go to a gynecologist. Empathy doesn’t understand gender, but there are topics like menopause or adolescence, in which I think gynecologists are more empathetic. In menopause I think you immediately empathize with the patient.

Are you optimistic about the male birth control pill?

I have little hope in everything that depends on men. Now that we have finally achieved that the papilloma vaccine is included in women and children, the percentage of mothers with male children who do not vaccinate their children is staggering. “He has papilloma,” he says. It is a cultural issue. I have no hope, just like when a man sees that his wife has had three cesarean sections and doesn’t want to be a mother again, and you ask her to get a sterilization, she refuses. In this regard, I would recommend the patient to find a sympathetic urologist and make an appointment for her husband. The rate of sterilization is very low, because men believe that this is something that affects their virility.

Tell us some classics that you come across in counseling when a man is present with his partner.

Let’s imagine there is a woman who has just given birth, she wants to breastfeed and I don’t want her to take hormones… I think she doesn’t want to use condoms. In 90% of cases, an IUD must be inserted. I finish early. They are vectors, being carriers of everything, they do not suffer from it. Since we have some reliable methods of papilloma screening, we cannot intimidate them with data. Then there is the issue of male infertility. You can’t imagine the number of seminograms that are wrong now, but we continue to see women when they are infertile.

Speaking of infertility, there are more and more fertility clinics …

We are doing something wrong. For starters, the age at which we have children has changed: it’s now common to have our first at 38. Let’s be fair. I think we are doing good by spreading the word that fertility is not eternal. Of course: cryopreservation has fewer and fewer taboos. With the pace of life we ​​live in and the well-established idea that we have to be the best mothers and the best businessmen, it is impossible to raise your child with all the attention it needs and competently fulfill all the duties we have. carried out. position. In general, this pressure affects reproduction, and is why sperm has the quality it does today. The mega executive man who has a crazy pace of life, doesn’t sit down to eat, faces harmful environmental factors that exist and has lifestyle habits, will see how all these have affected his sperm. However, ask for a spermogram and you will see his face. You have to explain to him why he might have changed the semen. I always nailed them in consultation.

Are you constantly asked why you are not a mother?

Every day, in me Stories They ask me how many children I have. Can’t we talk about something else? There are more and more women who choose not to be mothers. Saying that I am most passionate about my work is still a complex matter for me. Not being able to say it makes me suffocate, because I can’t figure out what’s wrong with it. They will give the man a medal! I don’t have doctor parents and I’m from Madrid who opened his clinic in Barcelona: it’s something that has cost me a lot. When I say that what I love most in the world is my work, because it is a delicate subject, it is a joy. small committee. Same thing happens with my mother. I ask him if he has ever thought that when I am with my patients, in my gown, I am happiest. Sometimes, in heroic births, I blast Freddie Mercury and say, “We gave it our all!” I don’t know: Rafa Nadal is applauded. I am not. However, I walked away feeling like I had won Roland Garros. in small committee, They gave me a cup. It’s an accomplishment that’s hard to share socially, but it’s wonderful to enjoy your work in this way. I feel very lucky.