I’ve already forgotten Carmen’s existence. We were very best friends at Chindsgi and for the first two years. Thanks to social media, we can find each other again. Nice story. Actually. Carmen just wouldn’t remind me that I was a big beast even as a little girl.
«Emma? Haha. How cool! Are you Emma from xy? Could it be that we were together with Ms. X in the Chindsgi and afterwards with Mr. P at school together until you moved away? “ This message reached me recently on Instagram.
The author: Carmen. Carmen, Carmen, Carmen. I have to go to college. Wasn’t my girlfriend’s name Carla? And at least had a completely different surname back then? Okay, I must be wrong. My name memory is and always has been shitty.
«Carmen? With the blond braid and the red sandals with flowers on them, which I was always jealous of? “, I answer. “Haha, yes, exactly that!”, writes Carmen. My heart opens. Carmen and I haven’t seen or heard each other for over 20 years. We used to be the very best of friends. In the dump where I spent the first eight years of my life.
Carmen, (not Carla) and I, we were against the rest of the world. We were basically the daughters of Thelma & Louise, the little sisters of Alicia Silverstone and Liv Tyler in every Aerosmith video.
The hearts that I smashed!
We write something back and forth until we notice that only the tracks separate us from where we live. We arrange to meet for drinks straight away. Two evenings later we are sitting by the water. Somehow it still looks exactly the same. For me, she says, the huge laugh is still the same.
What a nice meeting.
Whether she is still in contact with Fabienne, Nicole and all the others whose names I can no longer remember. She has. Above all, however, she is very close to Claudio. Claudio who? I ask.
“Emma!”, she says. “Claudio, whose heart you shattered so much that he still talks about it here and there today!”
It dawns on me.
That was in the second grade. On the school trip. Everyone went with someone. Only I didn’t go with anyone. I was neither blonde nor very cute, let alone graceful. I was a snap girl. One who preferred to play football instead of puppets. And one that, THANK YOU MOTHER, wore a hedgehog hairstyle.
Claudio didn’t let that put him off. He wanted to go with me. So he let me do the obligatory thing about Carmen “Do you want to go with me?”-To Zädeli. I, very happy that someone finally asks, crossed “Yes” at. At the time, I didn’t find it so bad that I found Claudio extremely unattractive.
In any case, Claudio wanted to hold Handli. Not me.
Claudio wanted to give me a kiss at the banana catch. I didn’t want any.
Claudio wanted to invite me to his birthday party. I didn’t want to go.
I just wanted to be able to say that I’m going with Claudio.
Carmen laughs. “Come on, we’ll send him a selfie!”
She writes about the photo: “Guess who the lady next to me is?”
He replies by return of post: «Tell her my heart still aches! 😉 »
At least a wink emoji.
Claudio is not the only one who has suffered trauma, says Carmen. “Do you remember Lorenz?” Now that she says it. I thought that was great. We went together. Everything was good. Until he howled with homesickness in the class camp, snot and water. I found little insensitive bitch uncool and broke up.
I want to apologize immediately when Carmen calms me down.
Claudio and Lorenz are doing very well. Claudio has three (!) Potatoes with Lisa. I really like to treat Claudio to that. Lisa was the playground princess EVERYONE wanted. Claudio got it when he was a teenager. You are still happy. Couldn’t be happy anymore.
And Lorenz? Lorenz also has a potato. With Thomas. It’s not a real potato, it’s a dog potato. She will soon be celebrating her first birthday and is a lovely dachshund named – haha - Emma. Lorenz, Markus and the dog-potato also live not far from Carmen and me.
I find Lorenz on Facebook that evening and write to him. I congratulate you on your love and on the very hearty dog potatoes. And in a subordinate clause, I apologize for the insensitive breakup.
Lorenz answers a few days later:
“How nice to read of you, Emma! Thank you very much for your wishes. Life has been very good for me despite your heartbreak. Maybe even you made me gay. 😉 And you know what? It’s the best that could have happened to me. So do not worry and have it wonderful. PS: I’ve been reading you for a long time. And because that’s the case, I’ll allow myself the following words: It’s Suff-SMS-Sandro. There is no doubt about that. Please, you’re welcome. “
PS: I’m on vacation. I need sun, umbrella drinks, sand underfoot. Tails the comment column today. Be nice. And decent. And before you ask: No, I’m not on vacation with Suff-SMS-Sandro.
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«EMMA AMOUR AND KID CLEO – love, sex and other escapades»
Sex mishaps, lovesickness and crazy dates: Nobody in Switzerland tells as authentically and bluntly as Emma Amour. Since January 2018, the Zurich native has been letting watson users participate in her life. When she takes a break, her best friend Cleo steps in.
Emma and Cleo couldn’t be more different, but what connects them: a sometimes fantastic, sometimes frustrating, but never boring love and sex life.
You can order the new book here >>
Information about the book
Release date: February 12, 2021
Binding: paperback with flap
Extent: 160 pages, 8 illustrations
Format: 13.5 x 21
CHF 18.00 (CH)
EUR 18.00 (D)
EUR 19.00 (A)
Emma Amour is …
… City dweller, single, mid-30s – and watson’s blogger, who not only reports blatantly about her love life, but also takes care of your questions. And don’t worry: you will remain anonymous with your questions – just like Emma. It is very important to Madame Amour to continue to hop undercover in training pants to the Indian man across the street.
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