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“I often think to myself, I can’t live like this”

She is already one of Hollywood’s biggest stars at a young age, but the rapid rise brought for Jennifer Lawrence also dark sides with it. A conversation about early fame and late remorse.

At just 30 years old, she has achieved what many of her colleagues dream of for a lifetime: Jennifer Lawrence landed leading roles in two blockbuster series, was showered with the most coveted film awards and was named the highest-earning actress in the world – all in record time.

At the age of 21, the American was nominated for an Oscar for the first time as Best Actress in a Leading Role for her performance in “Winter’s Bone”, two years later she took home the award in the same category for “Silver Linings”. In between, she became world famous as Katniss Everdeen with “The Hunger Games” and appeared for the first time in the “X-Men” films, of which she is still a part today and which can currently be seen on Sky.

Jennifer Lawrence has played the role of mutant Mystique in the "X-Men"films currently on Sky. (Source: IMAGO / ZUMA Wire)Jennifer Lawrence has played the role of mutant Mystique in the “X-Men” films, which can currently be seen on Sky, since 2011. (Source: IMAGO / ZUMA Wire)

“I didn’t feel ready yet”

The meteoric rise within a very short time was also overwhelming for Jennifer Lawrence herself – but not only in a positive sense. “I had no idea how to deal with fame, how to behave or what to say,” the actress recalls in an interview with t-online. “I can still clearly remember the first award season. I was put into clothes in which I did not recognize myself, made up, styled. I felt uncomfortable and strange, like a doll.”

Above all, the sudden attention caused her trouble. “All of a sudden, everyone’s eyes go to you and everyone is hanging on your lips. At the time, I just thought to myself: Don’t listen to myself. I was too young and didn’t feel ready for it yet. I wish I could have protected myself a little more from it.” Being under constant observation still weighs a lot on the 30-year-old today. “Just before a film starts, it’s particularly bad and I often think to myself: I can’t live like this. Then it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel and I’d love to run away.”

Instead, she has developed a different method of dealing with it. “I don’t leave my house,” says the actress laughing in conversation, but then explains very seriously: “I actually don’t go to the supermarket so that no one can follow me back home. And I rarely go out. Either my friends visit me or I visit them.” Even before the pandemic, it was sometimes “as if I had house arrest. But being private is the only way to protect yourself,” says Jennifer Lawrence.

“I was a coward”

Despite everything, she loves her job and is grateful for her success. “I wouldn’t be happy if I suddenly couldn’t act anymore. That’s why I put away the negative sides,” emphasizes the American. Especially because they have also given her important lessons along the way. “I used to always want to be liked. My biggest weakness was not standing up for myself and asserting myself. I was a coward and I regret that today,” Jennifer Lawrence reveals.

But she has learned to use her voice. As one of the first among her colleagues, she publicly campaigned for equal pay for men and women in the industry, campaigned against sexual assault as part of the #MeToo movement and, despite years of social media abstinence, recently added a Twitter account to draw attention to grievances in the USA, such as racism, police violence or corrupt politics, as a member of the organization “Represent Us”.

“It’s hard to speak for yourself and easier to follow others. But it’s important that young girls know: You have to demand things, even if people don’t like it. Be unique, think for yourself, and don’t let others make your decision,” said Jennifer Lawrence.

Arjun Sethi
Passionate guitarist, gamer and writer. Lives for the perfect review, and scrapes texts until they are razor-sharp.


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